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Although the website may have lead you to believe otherwise, your humble webmistress is not a romantic, and I do not take a romantic approach to the ballad of Tam Lin. Rather, I see it as a drama with a hero and a challenge to overcome, like many others save for one important difference. It is this important difference that first attracted me to the ballad though, and that is the nature of the main character. She is a strong female, andshe rescues the male. On that basis alone it is a rather unconventional love story if a love story you insist on it being.
There is, of course, much going on in the story other than a rather unconventional romance between Janet and Tam Lin. There's Janet herself (and just who is the central character anyway?), a sharp-tongued female who goes where she shouldn't and dares what most wouldn't. Her lover, Tam Lin, has been to strange and wonderful places, and wishes to be with her. Finally there's the Queen of Fairies, the mysterious old power, leader of a troup of strange creatures, kidnapper and executioner of young men, who gets in the best lines of the story, next to Janet, of course. Still, even setting these themes aside, there's other reasons to to question the romance of Tam Lin, since some versions and some interpretations are far from romantic.
In fact, as I've found out more about Tam Lin in my explorations, I've found some of the tellings to be downright disturbing, unappealing to my tastes, and a very poor basis for notions of romantic love. Obviously, the versions where Janet is portrayed as a maiden who stumbles into Tam Lin by accident, and those with an overtone (or worse) of rape are far less appealing to those with modern sensabilities than the ones with a surprisingly strong female character who is searching for and summoning her lover. I hope that viewers of my website will take the presentation of these ballads in the spirit of academic interest, and not read approval of such themes into my presentation.
I've sometimes wondered if some viewers might read Janet's rescue of Tam Lin as being an endorsement of enduring suffering for the sake of a loved-one, rather than the ability to see through illusion that it is. There is a segment of society that encourages people, and women more often than men, to accept suffering as a means of showing devotion.
While I know this supposition may sound far-fetched, the recent (early 90's) version of Beauty and the Beast put out by Disney is a prime example of the sort of distortion I have in mind. Most of the folklore tellings of Beauty and the Beast of which I am aware portray the Beast as courteous and gentle, and only fierce or unpleasant in appearance. Beauty's struggle is not to tame the beast, but to learn to see past his appearance and love the gentle soul inside. Disney's approach was rather different, creating a Beast of poor manners and violent temper, who had little appeal in either demeanor or physical appearance. Rather than a story about judging the true value of a person by their actions rather than appearances, the story Disney told was (IMO) a blueprint for the codependant mindset, saying that if you love someone enough, they'll change.
Likewise, in Tam Lin, while Janet's trial to save Tam Lin is frightening, the ballad is quite clear that she will not be harmed in any way, and it is her own decision to enter the battle. It is the combination of knowledge and choice that makes Janet a hero rather than a victim. Janet presumably has the choice to abort the fetus she carries, to abadon Tam Lin, or to name another man as the father. Far from begging for his help when she finds herself in a bad spot, she questions him before agreeing to rescue him. (Personally I suspect the fact that he could claim to be the heir to some land didn't hurt.) She knows going into the battle what she will face, and that the transformations are not real, and not of Tam Lin's choosing. She is neither passive nor stupid, neither a victim nor deluded about the path she has chosen.
She is a hero battling for the prize she desires, the same as any hero who battles for gold or love or glory. In this case, her prize is the man of her choice, chosen in fair battle. She is strong and brave, and no wilting flower. Even Tam Lin knows enough to ask for her help, not to demand it. The Queen gives her a sort of grudging respect, directing her curse at Tam Lin, not at Janet, and in one version the Queen even bestows praise upon Janet.
So if you feel that Tam Lin is indeed a romance, then I hope you see it as a romance between equals, and about a woman's bravery and strength rather than a woman's weakness. Janet is a woman who knows her proper place is wherever she chooses to go, and on whatever battleground she chooses to fight. True love and true romance are not realms to be inhabited by the sterotypical fainting heroine who awaits a rescue, but by people of knowlege, strength, and responsiblity. For all of the strange fantasy of this tale, it captures that real-world truth quite well. Janet is a hero, and a romantic woman, albeit in ways that are not commonly seen in fairytales. She has chosen an unconventional mate, and she likewise choses an unconventional means by which to acquire him.